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Who am I?

May 6, 2009
The infamous question: Who am I?

When I’m with my close ones, I tend to be vulnerable, gentle, silly, forgetful, dramatic, outrageous, romantic, clumsy, soft-spoken, and practically speak, act, and fuss like a lil girl…*clears throat*… i mean seriously…

Yet, when it comes to my studies, work, standing before higher authorities or even meeting a stupid-cashier-who-mumbled-under-his-breath-and-gave-me-the-look-when-I-paid-with-a-RM50-note-for-a-purchase-of-RM3.50-just-because-that’s-the-only-cash-I-had, I basically have a 180 degree switch. I would be viewed as dominant, independent, efficient, power-freak, tough, as well as the girl-who-would-take-no-bullshit-of-all-these-and-bang-on-the-cashier-counter-confronting-that-rude-cashier-while-demanding-to-see-the-manager.

Many people have commented on my drastic difference which are on the extreme ends. Some mentioned that their impression of me always changes.

It kinda made me think who am I really?

The durian (hard on the outside, but soft and gooey in the inside?

Or the longan (soft on the flesh, but hard in the core)?

To give you an illustration of the daily life of Felicia Peh Yi Ting~

She could trip while walking, misplace her stuff, and forget about her phone when she leaves her apartment; yet she always gets her work done way before deadline, has the tendency to take over leadership roles, and remembers time, dates, and specific details of ‘important events’ without jotting them down.

She could easily forgive someone who hurt her deeply by a simple apology or gesture, take the extra mile to help someone whom she sensed has a need, and take joy in blessing people with gifts and generosity; yet she could not tolerate a rude stranger, avoids asking for help even from her closest friends, and would not splurge money for own comfort and desire (When i’m getting a gift for someone, a $20 journal would seem affordable to me; but when it comes to getting a $1.50 mrs Higgins’ cookie for myself, I have to think twice, thrice, before reaching for my purse… or just suck it up and move away from the tempting shop T.T )

So what does this make me?

Do I have split personality or an alter ego like Niki Sanders from Heroes?

Am I being real in one situation and phoney in the other?

Am I actually soft but putting up a strong front?

Or am I growing up too fast, hence yearning for a kiddish-side?

Or maybe, that’s just who I am.

Just like trinity or even H20… They could appear in three forms, yet are viewed as one.

I may have different sides of me, but that’s just how I function. There is no clear definition of me when I’m still searching for myself, growing, changing, and evolving as I overcome each obstacle and celebrate each joy that comes my way.

Hence, i hereby declare that Felicia is still a young adult who is experiencing moratorium, and in search of her identity~

BUT… No matter what her calling maybe, she will still live by her name – the happy one, as there are so much blessings that need to be counted each new day .

We could start off by thanking God that we are alive and well today 😉

One Comment leave one →
  1. ah^kam_koko' permalink
    May 8, 2009 12:02 pm

    The happy one is a good name!
    Happy is good…
    Just not too happy…

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