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June 26, 2009
There are times like this… when I get a little too overwhelmed by my thoughts…

To be precise… I felt that I have sold myself to the government @_@

Having just 5 months left in this place on earth called Auckland, I can’t help but ponder about my future, and what I’m leaving behind… To be honest, I never thought I will fall in love with this place so deeply… Reflecting on the early stages of my arrival, I always felt that this place will never be a home but just a location that held memories of a phase of my life… But then, I came to love the people, the clean fresh air, the mind-blowing scenery, the consistent welfare support by the government, the great emphasis of the education system and values, the equality of opportunities, the quality of life… I have grown so much in this place, more than I could ever be for my past 20 years of life…

How did all these emoness started? Exactly a day ago, when we had the musical brainstorming meeting.

Jun Bin, the art director was sharing about why he forgo his engineering degree, and took up diploma in drawing animation, which could assist him in sketching plots, organise and design the framework for performing arts productions. He wanted to fulfill his childhood dream – to put his music and ideas on stage for all to see. It wasn’t an easy decision to make, but he does not regret it at all.

Following that, I start to reflect on my dreams…

It is true that I’m passionate for teaching and educationg young minds, and I used to think that following my parents’ footsteps and making a difference in local schools is all I ever wanted to do… I still think so… Or do I?

I guess dreams do change… In fact, I am a dreamer… Coming to a foreign land has indeed opened up my mind to endless possibilities in life, triggered my ambitious self, which led me to believe I can do more that what I have limited myself to.

I remember since I was 16, I had a dream (which I did shared with my dad, who surprisingly did not ridicule that idea of mine)… I wanted to own a boutique line of mine, with a concept. It shall be called, ‘The F Word‘.

I used to think that the name itself could intrigue curiousity…Lol…

Let me further explain this concept of mine (hopefully no one steals my idea!!! Hahahaha…)

F, of course refers to my name… But it does not end there… I wanted to have a few line of clothings by having my boutique in a few sections…

Section 1 – Fabulousity (where one can find fabulous evening and party wear that could make one stand out in the crowd)

Section 2 – Funky-licious (Fun clothes, neon colors, crazy designs, for the fashion

Section 3 – Flowery summer (Summer dresses that scream flowers overdosage!!!)

Section 4 – Feminine power (work wear that ain’t boring but gives the definition of fierceness and power)

Section 5 – Fairyland (fairy-inspired dresses that could make one embrace the role of a magical creature for a day… Could include princess-like dresses too)

The dream was also to increase the line if the business grow… Hahahaha… Not many people knew about this dream of mine, now you do 😉

The other dream I had was more recent. I wanted to be a nomad!

Well, not exactly… But I want to teach in different countries! By having a TESOL degree (Teaching English as a Second Language), I already have informal offers to teach in Korea or Japan where the demand is high and the pay is freaking good… Hence came the thought of… “wouldn’t it be nice to teach the language in different countries by term-contracts, while having the chance to explore those lands and cultures?” Even though I’m not a native speaker in English, but I have had feedback that international students do prefer my teaching. Mainly because, I myself am a second language learner hence have more sensibility to teach the language while considering the common problems of second language learners, which are often overlooked by native-speaking teachers.

And, the dream does not end there. I hope that after travelling and teaching in a few different countries, I would have the experience and knowledge I need to open my own language school in one of the countries, or maybe settling down in Malaysia. My aim is to establish a language school that is practical with meaningful lessons that cater to second language learners’ needs… Hmm… Will that remain as a dream???

After having dreams after dreams, reality struck that I’m bonded with the government for 5 years! So. by the time I’m free to do whatever I want to, I will be 28…and 28=OLD!!!

Not that I’m being ungrateful that the government has provided me with the luxury of studying overseas and a job right after I graduate… Not that I wanna disappoint my parents who lovingly hope that I could serve in malaysia because they will miss me dearly if i’m abroad (Dad constantly used the excuse of the difficulty for them, old with weak limbs, having to board the plane and fly for hours to see their grandchildren…)… I just couldn’t help sighing about the limited opportunities because of this contract….

Finally, I came to realisation that I have just been dwelling on my own will and desire… And I haven’t surrendered my life and future to God, believing that He has the best plans designed for me…

So, I really should stop complaining, but trust in God for his favour and wisdom…

Let’s wait and see how will God lead me in this walk of mine =)

p/s. I blame the emoness on the nearing of the time of the month @_@…. Lol…

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