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backstabbing versus gossiping

October 29, 2009

… are they even different?

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Everyone hates it when they learned that they were backstabbed… they rant about it, curse the backstabber, and go off telling others about what the backstabber had done…

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They forget they too backstab, intentionally or sometimes unintentionally…

But it is always easier to see the spark in the other’s face than a log in one’s own eyes; and we need to take away that log in our eyes, to see clearly – the whole picture, the truth. (adapted from a passage of the bible which I have forgotten the actual verse but one should get the point @_@)

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I won’t lie, I am not a saint. I grew up engaging myself with gossips, and sometimes I too fell short, I backstab…

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However, I do not backstab for the sake of creating drama or inviting attention to myself… It was a form of weakness, I needed to express my frustration towards that individual, and sometimes my hate took over the better of me… I thought I was being offered a listening ear, until that listening ear became a backstabber too…

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It is a never-ending cycle. and it would always stay the same…

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The funny thing is, after expressing whatever nuisance I had with a person, I always ended up forgiving the person, or forgetting about what had happened, or even became close with the person in the later days…

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BUT, that’s when the horror starts… Words do act like a doble-edged sword, you can get hurt either way, and they could come back and haunt you… Although you may mean no more what you have said, the other person, so emotionally-affected, could be blinded by what you did, and discarded whatever friendship you have formed… Every single memory of them…

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That person, so caught up in his/her anger, forgot that he/she too had talked bad about you, and chose to dwell on thoughts of ‘how could you ever do that?’…. That’s just the reality of it…

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This post is not pointed at anyone at all, but myself.

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I’m so sick of hearing stuffs. In fact, I know most of the time an issue is made big because of people saying stuff, rather than what really happened. When I looked back, most of the grudges I had in the past were stuff told to me, than what I have actually experienced. Those stuff made me lose trust, made me mean, made me ashamed of what I had done…

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I guess it’s the age talking. It’s time for me to grow up. I really want to stop being judgmental, to speak carelessly, and to succumb to stuffs I heard…

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That doesn’t mean that I would be as blind by not voicing my disagreement when I see a person who is blantantly irresponsible, or a person who takes people for granted, or even when a person commits a crime… That is not being judgmental, but plain stupid and ignorant.

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What I meant is, I want to stop participating in backslashing sessions, especially when its someone I’m close with and whom I still have trust in. Of course, I would still love to hear gossips; but this time, I want to be the listener, and only an occasional contributor if I know the news is harmless.

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To those whom I have wronged, I am truly sorry. I know my apology would probably not mean a thing, as the harm would have been done. But I am willing to admit my weaknesses, and my immaturity, and I hope we could all look towards the future instead of the past. Letting go, could be the best answer to what we need. And I pray we could stop listening to what others have to say, but keep it between us and sort it out, giving each other a chance to trust again.

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To those who have been using my name and spreading stuff, I earnestly hope that you could stop. If the stuff is true, what not give me the opportunity to own up to it, rather than having you being my unappointed ambassador, and making the story more interesting than it is… It may be something you casually said, BUT you would never know the depths of the hurt you could inflict (this serves as a reminder to self).

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To those who are close to me, I pray that you will help strengthen and watch over me, as I made this decision of repentance. I would cherish honesty and prompt reminder, whenever I cross my boundaries.

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Thanks

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