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moments of weakness

April 27, 2011

had a long chat/catch up/discussion with L.

both of us are having our own struggles, our own battles to fight.. we have our doubts on how God works, but we both know that He works.

Anyway, during the long talk, i was reminded of my moments of weakness, when things seemed rather dim, and the heat became unbearable.

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Facebook, is definitely a giant window to what’s happening in the world outside ours. And when I look at my friends, working / enjoying life / partying in big cities, or earning big bucks;and here I am… in this small town, unaccessible by bus or train to get home… I get silly thoughts.

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Without warning, i get overwhelmed with unexplainable sadness…

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Since young, i have had good grades, i have been confident, i have achieved much, i have been told that i will turn out really successful.

But now, I have been left with the ‘whys’.

Was it a mistake, not going to Japan? Or not taking up the other offers?

Why can’t i have control over my life, where i wanna be, what i should be able to do?

Why must i bear with such nonsense and stupid people in the administration?

Why can’t i have McD whenever i want?

Why am i stuck in this small place with so many restrictions?

Why did i get sent to Kelantan when that was the only state i silently hoped against?

Why am i so far away from L?

Why am i tied down by this bond?

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WHY DO I HAVE NO SAY IN MY LIFE?

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Thank God, moments of weakness, often follows with reflection, gratitude, and prayer.

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Reflection

Why did God send me to this place (the last place on my list of options)?

Is this a test from Him? To give me what i am against the most, and want me to learn from it?

To shove me the humble pie? To remind me to rely on Him?

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Gratitude

This place may not be where i wanted to be, but it really ain’t that bad. i am being taken care by a really nice family, i have zt with me in this school, my transport is somewhat sorted, there aren’t that many ppl givin me a tough time in school, my students have been lovely monsters, i am getting spiritual food, i have a room to myself which is currently really messy, i get to talk/msn/skype with L everyday, i have lots of ‘ME’ time. and i actually enjoy teaching… can’t believe how easily i am affected by how my lessons go.

I may be real good in other profession, but i doubt i will get the same satisfaction as what i get from teaching, and the feeling of being needed by the students.

Besides, He has been providing for me. As He is also always on time, never early; never late~ with a lot more faith in Him, He will open doors and opportunities for a better me, at His time and place.

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Prayer

Lord, help me to trust in you and lean not on my own understanding. In all my ways, acknowledge you, and please lay my paths straight. Give me Your strength, give me Your joy, give me Your wisdom to carry on, and do what is right.

In Jesus’ name I ask and pray,

Amen

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One Comment leave one →
  1. April 29, 2011 12:48 pm

    I face the same struggle but I’ve decided that I will give my best years in service & sacrifice. After that, I will have to work for personal gain.

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