Skip to content

Moments

September 6, 2011

Abandonment.

This blog probably experience it most.

.

just got back from my tutoring class, and i was battling between watching Secret Garden episode 7… or… coming back for this lonely blog.

though i question my decision, i chose the latter.

.

To be honest, i have no freaking idea what to write…

I have tonnes of pics in my folders. Significant events to expose to the world…

But somehow,

I feel like being a lil intellectual snob, or so i think i could be (the intellectual part i mean. snob? no problem with that), and do a wordy post.

Then again, who knows the bimbotic me would just take over.

Detour much?

ok back to the topic – Moments.

Hmmmm.

The truth is, I love teaching.

The fulfillment is something worth sacrificing for.

But lately, I feel that I’m not able to teach as much as I could.

I hated it, when my students become merely a number, a percentage, a target.

I hated TOV and the ridiculously impossible ETR.

I hated being forced into teaching for SPM, rather than teaching English.

.

Everytime, I find it a struggle, to strike a balance between a fun lesson and an obligatory drilling one.

But I do take pride that my classes are always noisy.

Not bratty nonsense type of noisy. Maybe a lil of that too at times. But active interaction and engagement from the kids.

And I get my daily boost of ego and vanity from students in the school.

It’s nice being complimented often. I may wear that modern jubah/kurung/kebaya/punjabi suit for like 3000000 times, and they will still say i look pretty.

In fact, some of my ex students, very cheeky ones, will come to tell me in very exaggerated mode every day, that I’m pretty. Often causing laughter among teachers who pass by; and huge embarrassment on my side.

But the best part about teaching in Gua Musang is,

I do not have to live behind the shadows of my parents – who are known to be really well-respected teachers who won many awards, recognition, and mum even appeared on Astro.

I could be myself. Set my own standards. Start my own legacy.

Surprisingly, the weakest class that i just took over (4A4 and 4A5 combined) had warmed up to me. They still have their pranks. But they listen in class. I may have to repeat an instruction or answer for hundreds of time in 3 languages, but they have been passing up my homework all the time. And that to me, is worth celebrating!

Just a background information on this weak class…

We were doing animal sounds (for Form 4), and I ask them to tell me what is monyet in English.

Confidently they said ‘MONKEY’.

I asked them to spell it.

Confidently a boy yelled, ‘MANGKI’.

I rest my case.

.

My own class – 5S1 has been pretty much all sorts of awesome.

I think we have developed a unique bond between a teacher and students. My outburst with them, that one time when I had enough of them taking me for granted and not doing my work – resulted in them being very apologetic to me in person, in text messages, and in facebook messages. But what touched me the most was that, their apologies were not merely words, as they actually try to change and have been passing up my work consistently. Oh yeah, that means I have to mark even more work now. Lol.

During the Ramadhan month, I was also invited to their Buka Puasa & Girls Sleep Over. I find that extremely sweet as I myself can’t picture me going to a sleepover with my teacher when I was in High School. Somehow that was never a cool thought to me. I went. It was fun and scandalous. Lol. Basically one evening was enough to know about all the juicy High School stuff, and to make me change my mind about a few eye candies I had been silently preying on. Definitely one of the coolest memory for me.

And when I got back from the raya break, feeling slightly demotivated, these kids surprised me with this…

So much loveeeeeee okay…

.

That’s why, I was battling so much within me, before I made such a decision.

I actually applied for Eg-Tukar.

I think my friends were probably surprised as I seemed to be the one always more ‘pumped up’ about teaching, and am enjoying my teaching life in Gua Musang.

Well, there are a few reasons as to why I made this decision. Reasons I can’t tell. Not yet. Not on a public domain. Not even to people who matters.

Then again, it’s not like I’m going to get transferred just because I applied.

.

The comforting thought however is, if I don’t get the transfer, I actually won’t feel sad. That just means, God wants me here, for a longer time.

If I actually get the transfer, I would take that as He has other plans for me, and that my chapter of training in GM has come to an end.

.

Regardless of what happens,

I will still continue to strive in school. To be a better teacher. To be a better me.

 

ps. SPM trials start next week. somehow the teachers seem to be more concerned than the ones taking the exam @_@

Advertisements
No comments yet

your two cents?

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in:

WordPress.com Logo

You are commenting using your WordPress.com account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: