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H stands for?

October 10, 2011

today i sort of broke down.

it could really be my pms..since i don’t throw tantrums but i do get emotional when Annoying Mary’s visit is due soon.


it all started with me asking Alex, questions like..

‘If i get breast cancer, and lose my breast, my womanhood, will you still love me?’

and he started giving me a lecture on how i don’t take care of myself well.. the food i eat.. my lack of health regimes.. my inconsistent lifestyle..


That’s Alex for you.

Always so practical and rational.

I then told him.. ‘you missed the point, i meant, will you still love me when i am no longer a woman without those..’

he asked, ‘is this about your mum?’

I answered, ‘maybe, i don’t know’

Then he answered, ‘Of course I will love you no matter what. Nothing’s gonna change that.’

and next thing i knew… my cheeks were wet.

He was a lil panicky, and said i have to tell him what’s wrong, and there should be nothing kept from him coz we are in this together.

The problem is, I did not plan the tears. They just flowed.

Maybe, in the midst of strange flow of hormones, and probably also because i had been notified of a lot of breakups among my friends,

Fear just crept in.

After so many failed relationships,

of guys chickened out due to commitment-phobia, unknown disappearance, lack of maturity, when i was unwilling to go ‘further’ intimately…

I was scarred in many ways.

I was scared of another abandonment… because i ‘was not good enough’.


and I told him that.


and he looked at me *through skype*, and said,

‘Don’t be silly ok. Think of it this way. I am the lesser one. I did not choose you, you chose me. So why would I let you go?’

then he went into a whole session on ‘boosting Felicia’s confidence activity’ 🙂



I told him about how hard it is to take a dump in school coz our teacher’s toilet is totally wrecked by students and is tersumbat with shit splattered everywhere.

He went to google on ways to train our biological clock to shit at home or after school.

Lol. Such a dork.

He may be the most practical person I’ve ever known. But he completes me, in many many ways.

Thanks, dear..

One Comment leave one →
  1. October 11, 2011 9:06 pm


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